I stared into the face of a coward tonight. Her eyes met mine; unflinching, no hint of shame. Only a tinge of sadness marked her face, a kind of resignation to her fate.
I threw my accusations against her, my voice rising in disgust. How could she bear to live that way?
Old eyes. I could feel myself falling, lost in its depths, desperately looking for a way out.
"Bravery", they said, "A wish we cannot find; a wind that touches, caresses, and then is gone, and the place remembers it no more".
"Try harder!" I cried.
"It is no use", they said. "What more can we do?"
Desperation flooded my soul, my voice too shaken to utter a sound.
Defeated eyes rose to meet mine, compassion turned to look my way.
I stared into the face of a coward tonight, and the mirror stared right back at me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Lessons on forgiveness from a 5 yr old
First, let me introduce you to Lee Margaret. She is the sweetest, cutest, 5-yr-old I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She loves to laugh, run, and always has a smile on her face!
One night during devotions, she told us the story of Jesus on the cross. "Jesus came to save people from their sins. But bad men hurt him, oh yes, they hit him with sticks and were very mean. But He still loved them and died on the cross for them. He didn't stay dead though, because angels came and now He is alive in heaven!"
We were all left in tears. "That's right, Lee Margaret", one of the counselors said, and in our hearts resounded one amen.
The Story of Forgiveness
It was the night of Council Ring, where all the girls gather in their tribes around the fire, eager for the new "pale-face" campers to be initiated into a tribe.
I was also to be inititated as part of Central Staff, an extremely gross but fun experience. They blindfolded me and drenched me in maple syrup, baby powder, mayo, birdseed - and much more!
Once they took off my blindfold, I was eager to get someone messy. So i chased one of the other Central Staff around the fire and jumped on her to hug her! In the chaos, she fell right into one of the tribes, right on top of Lee Margaret.
Imagine. Tons of girls screaming, excitement, and all of a sudden, everyone is falling on top of you. In her fear, and pain from hitting her head on the bench, she started crying immediately. Her mom rushed in, scooped her up, and started carrying her back to camp.
I felt awful. I ran to catch up with her, eager to apologize and make things right. Those little eyes met mine, and a big smile came upon her face. "I forgive you. It's ok Ewen, I love you." Full and complete forgiveness from a pair of innocent brown eyes.
She opened her arms to give me a hug. "But Lee Margaret", I said, "I am really messy and dirty. You don't want to hug me now."
"I don't care", she said, and gave me the biggest hug ever. "Lee Margaret", I said with tears welling up in my eyes, "I have a secret for you. I'm going to let you sleep with my stuffed animal, Ella the Elephant, tonight!"
She squealed with utter delight. And with another hug, we walked hand in hand, back to camp, best of friends.
I could tell you theoretically what forgiveness looks like. I can give you all the Bible verses pertaining to forgiveness. But Lee Margaret gave me so much more - she lived it.
She has never once brought up that day again. I'm convinced it's because she has completely forgotten about it. True forgiveness does that.
One night during devotions, she told us the story of Jesus on the cross. "Jesus came to save people from their sins. But bad men hurt him, oh yes, they hit him with sticks and were very mean. But He still loved them and died on the cross for them. He didn't stay dead though, because angels came and now He is alive in heaven!"
We were all left in tears. "That's right, Lee Margaret", one of the counselors said, and in our hearts resounded one amen.
The Story of Forgiveness
It was the night of Council Ring, where all the girls gather in their tribes around the fire, eager for the new "pale-face" campers to be initiated into a tribe.
I was also to be inititated as part of Central Staff, an extremely gross but fun experience. They blindfolded me and drenched me in maple syrup, baby powder, mayo, birdseed - and much more!
Once they took off my blindfold, I was eager to get someone messy. So i chased one of the other Central Staff around the fire and jumped on her to hug her! In the chaos, she fell right into one of the tribes, right on top of Lee Margaret.
Imagine. Tons of girls screaming, excitement, and all of a sudden, everyone is falling on top of you. In her fear, and pain from hitting her head on the bench, she started crying immediately. Her mom rushed in, scooped her up, and started carrying her back to camp.
I felt awful. I ran to catch up with her, eager to apologize and make things right. Those little eyes met mine, and a big smile came upon her face. "I forgive you. It's ok Ewen, I love you." Full and complete forgiveness from a pair of innocent brown eyes.
She opened her arms to give me a hug. "But Lee Margaret", I said, "I am really messy and dirty. You don't want to hug me now."
"I don't care", she said, and gave me the biggest hug ever. "Lee Margaret", I said with tears welling up in my eyes, "I have a secret for you. I'm going to let you sleep with my stuffed animal, Ella the Elephant, tonight!"
She squealed with utter delight. And with another hug, we walked hand in hand, back to camp, best of friends.
I could tell you theoretically what forgiveness looks like. I can give you all the Bible verses pertaining to forgiveness. But Lee Margaret gave me so much more - she lived it.
She has never once brought up that day again. I'm convinced it's because she has completely forgotten about it. True forgiveness does that.
Friday, July 13, 2012
God gives the increase..
Another ministry. Another adventure. Sitting outside on the porch at Hollymont wondering, "God, what now?"
"Open your heart again, let my love pour from your soul." Deep breath. I can do this. Wait, no. He can do this.
"Who is Paul, and who is Apollos but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one" (1 Cor 3). Who am I?
Paul planted. Apollos watered. But GOD gave the increase. (vs 7) Faith and trust come from God, not men. So often I think that response happens because of what I say, because of what I do. How foolish and vain I can so easily become!
"So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters".. why? Because all glory is to God "who gives the increase"!
So we plant with joy, and water in faith. He calls us to serve, to work mightily in order that we may "present every man perfect in Christ Jesus" (Col 1).
We are fellow laborers in Christ, sought by grace, bought with blood. We give because we cannot hold back; we tell because we cannot be silent.
Each to his post, there is much to be done. How shall I measure up to the soldiers by my side? Then I remember... we are all just clay pots. "We have this treasure in eathern vessels, so that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us" (2 Cor 4:7). There is no competition.
"Now he who plants and he who waters are one.." One purpose. One goal. The supremacy of Christ in all things, so that all majesty will be ascribed to the One who is worthy of all.
Back to my post, there is much to be done.
"Open your heart again, let my love pour from your soul." Deep breath. I can do this. Wait, no. He can do this.
"Who is Paul, and who is Apollos but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one" (1 Cor 3). Who am I?
Paul planted. Apollos watered. But GOD gave the increase. (vs 7) Faith and trust come from God, not men. So often I think that response happens because of what I say, because of what I do. How foolish and vain I can so easily become!
"So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters".. why? Because all glory is to God "who gives the increase"!
So we plant with joy, and water in faith. He calls us to serve, to work mightily in order that we may "present every man perfect in Christ Jesus" (Col 1).
We are fellow laborers in Christ, sought by grace, bought with blood. We give because we cannot hold back; we tell because we cannot be silent.
Each to his post, there is much to be done. How shall I measure up to the soldiers by my side? Then I remember... we are all just clay pots. "We have this treasure in eathern vessels, so that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us" (2 Cor 4:7). There is no competition.
"Now he who plants and he who waters are one.." One purpose. One goal. The supremacy of Christ in all things, so that all majesty will be ascribed to the One who is worthy of all.
Back to my post, there is much to be done.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Kisses from Katie, Lessons from God.
The contrast is more than I can take.
The wind is slightly bending the trees in the Starbucks outdoor seating area. Iced vanilla coffee in hand, I'm reading Kisses from Katie as I enjoy the sunshine.
Red dirt. Vomit. Scabies. One woman's fight to save the children of Uganda and provide the basic medical neccessities to keep them alive. My heart is torn with hers and my eyes fill up with tears as I read about the precious children she loves.
I lift my head from the pages and watch a Lexus drive into the upscale Wilmington shopping center where I am sipping my drink.
"Lord, what am I doing here?" my heart cries within. But as I continue to read, I am struck by her words to me. No condemnation falls from her lips, only encouragment to live for Him.
It is then that I realize: It matters not where, it matters not how. I feel the scales fall from my eyes as I see disease all around me. Not the kind that screams on the outside, but the one that whispers within. A life without Him, is no life at all.
I may never write a book that is published, or make the New York Times Bestseller list. But everyday I write pages in people's lives, for good or evil, for Christ or for me.
Love just one more life, for just one more matters. It may not be Africa, but whomever He places in your life today. And tomorrow. And for the rest of your life. Do we not believe that He is sovereign to give, and to ask? Worthy enough to serve?
I came home to receive a letter from one of the girls I taught over the weekend for a church retreat. This is what she wrote:
"All my life I have craved so much more than than this world could offer. I had no clue where to start, or how to begin a true walk with Christ. Your messages answered so many of my questions and truly gave me insight into God's love. Before you came, I was slipping away, but I thank you for giving me my life back"
Humbled. I went to the retreat thinking I was wasting my time... how could one weekend change anything? It can't.
But He can. One more life to love, because one more ALWAYS matters.
The wind is slightly bending the trees in the Starbucks outdoor seating area. Iced vanilla coffee in hand, I'm reading Kisses from Katie as I enjoy the sunshine.
Red dirt. Vomit. Scabies. One woman's fight to save the children of Uganda and provide the basic medical neccessities to keep them alive. My heart is torn with hers and my eyes fill up with tears as I read about the precious children she loves.
I lift my head from the pages and watch a Lexus drive into the upscale Wilmington shopping center where I am sipping my drink.
"Lord, what am I doing here?" my heart cries within. But as I continue to read, I am struck by her words to me. No condemnation falls from her lips, only encouragment to live for Him.
It is then that I realize: It matters not where, it matters not how. I feel the scales fall from my eyes as I see disease all around me. Not the kind that screams on the outside, but the one that whispers within. A life without Him, is no life at all.
I may never write a book that is published, or make the New York Times Bestseller list. But everyday I write pages in people's lives, for good or evil, for Christ or for me.
Love just one more life, for just one more matters. It may not be Africa, but whomever He places in your life today. And tomorrow. And for the rest of your life. Do we not believe that He is sovereign to give, and to ask? Worthy enough to serve?
I came home to receive a letter from one of the girls I taught over the weekend for a church retreat. This is what she wrote:
"All my life I have craved so much more than than this world could offer. I had no clue where to start, or how to begin a true walk with Christ. Your messages answered so many of my questions and truly gave me insight into God's love. Before you came, I was slipping away, but I thank you for giving me my life back"
Humbled. I went to the retreat thinking I was wasting my time... how could one weekend change anything? It can't.
But He can. One more life to love, because one more ALWAYS matters.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Messiah King
"Excuse me sir," Mary asks, "Have you seen my Lord?" The gardner hesitates, then says with a smile, "Mary, my dear, it is I".
Two friends trudge along a dusty highway, their faces drawn. A stranger suddenly appears, walking beside them, "why the long faces my friends?" he asks. Incredulous, they respond, "have you not heard? The one thought to be the Messiah is dead!"
"Don't you know?" He says with a sigh, "The prophets spoke of this happening all along, for only through my death can you ever have life."
The waves lap against the side of Simon Peter's fishing boat. A man cries from the shore, "Have you caught any fish?" "No sir," Peter replies, "we've been fishing all day and haven't caught a thing!"
"Of course," the man says, "you haven't caught a fish, for I have made you to be fishers of men".
Is this really the Lord?!!
Victorious over death, conquering King, risen Messiah, this is HE?
Make no mistake, the gardener is KING. The traveler is LORD. The fisherman is SAVIOR of the world.
Death has no sting, hell has no victory, the wrath of God has been satisfied for all time! The quiet gardener sits on HIS THRONE. The dusty traveler REIGNS ON HIGH. And the fisherman? He is LORD of the hearts of men.
Be not fooled, my dear friends, for one day every knee will bow in heaven and earth. With a great shout and a sword in His mouth, He will proclaim: "I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, I AM THE LORD GOD AND THERE IS NO OTHER.
Salvation alone belongs to the KING.
Two friends trudge along a dusty highway, their faces drawn. A stranger suddenly appears, walking beside them, "why the long faces my friends?" he asks. Incredulous, they respond, "have you not heard? The one thought to be the Messiah is dead!"
"Don't you know?" He says with a sigh, "The prophets spoke of this happening all along, for only through my death can you ever have life."
The waves lap against the side of Simon Peter's fishing boat. A man cries from the shore, "Have you caught any fish?" "No sir," Peter replies, "we've been fishing all day and haven't caught a thing!"
"Of course," the man says, "you haven't caught a fish, for I have made you to be fishers of men".
Is this really the Lord?!!
Victorious over death, conquering King, risen Messiah, this is HE?
Make no mistake, the gardener is KING. The traveler is LORD. The fisherman is SAVIOR of the world.
Death has no sting, hell has no victory, the wrath of God has been satisfied for all time! The quiet gardener sits on HIS THRONE. The dusty traveler REIGNS ON HIGH. And the fisherman? He is LORD of the hearts of men.
Be not fooled, my dear friends, for one day every knee will bow in heaven and earth. With a great shout and a sword in His mouth, He will proclaim: "I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, I AM THE LORD GOD AND THERE IS NO OTHER.
Salvation alone belongs to the KING.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Water
Water. I scuff my feet in the sand, scanning the ground for any sight of it. Desert surrounds me, and the dry air scorches my already cracking lips. I swallow, willing some moisture down my parched throat. I know the end is near; my steps are already beginning to falter as my head hangs lower in the heat.
All of a sudden, I lift my eyes to see the most beautiful sight. A stream, running through the desert mountains, surrounded by reeds and plants all enjoying the life-giving water. In a moment, I am there, standing at the edge. I long to jump in and drink from the water that never runs dry... yet anxiously I wait, hoping to see someone who can give me a drink. I am met with only a Voice.
"So long, my child, you have desired to drink from the well that never runs dry. But you have always looked to someone else to hand you a cup, to offer you this life. Jump in and drink from Me!"
All my life I have depeneded on other people to show me the way to my Father. I have stood on the edge, crying out to those who are drinking, "Please, share with me a cup!"
And so they did. But as soon as I was finished, I was thirsty for more. And the closer I got, the more people behind me would beg for water too! I found myself asking for cups, passing them along to those who were spiritually dry.. leaving little for me.
Oh how tired I became! "Give more, Lord? I have nothing left to give!" Until the day when He finally brought me to the edge and said, "Come to me and drink and you will never be thirsty again. I gave my life so that you may have life more abundantely!"
Jump in the only water that will ever satisfy the longings of your soul. Give your life so that others may know that Jesus alone can bring life! And show the world more than a cup, but a life lived dripping wet.
"Ho! Everyone who thirsts, Come to the waters; Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near" (Isaiah 55)
"Waters shall burst forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert. A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness... the Redeemed shall walk there and come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy on their heads" (Isaiah 35)
All of a sudden, I lift my eyes to see the most beautiful sight. A stream, running through the desert mountains, surrounded by reeds and plants all enjoying the life-giving water. In a moment, I am there, standing at the edge. I long to jump in and drink from the water that never runs dry... yet anxiously I wait, hoping to see someone who can give me a drink. I am met with only a Voice.
"So long, my child, you have desired to drink from the well that never runs dry. But you have always looked to someone else to hand you a cup, to offer you this life. Jump in and drink from Me!"
All my life I have depeneded on other people to show me the way to my Father. I have stood on the edge, crying out to those who are drinking, "Please, share with me a cup!"
And so they did. But as soon as I was finished, I was thirsty for more. And the closer I got, the more people behind me would beg for water too! I found myself asking for cups, passing them along to those who were spiritually dry.. leaving little for me.
Oh how tired I became! "Give more, Lord? I have nothing left to give!" Until the day when He finally brought me to the edge and said, "Come to me and drink and you will never be thirsty again. I gave my life so that you may have life more abundantely!"
Jump in the only water that will ever satisfy the longings of your soul. Give your life so that others may know that Jesus alone can bring life! And show the world more than a cup, but a life lived dripping wet.
"Ho! Everyone who thirsts, Come to the waters; Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near" (Isaiah 55)
"Waters shall burst forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert. A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness... the Redeemed shall walk there and come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy on their heads" (Isaiah 35)
Monday, January 16, 2012
Run
I want to see Jesus. Every day, in every step.
"I desire nothing besides You.."
My heart lurches, stumbles, and falls. Everything within me cries, "Run!! Run away from this pain, this confusion, this doubt. Run and run and run till the wind dries your tears and the silence stills your fears. Run away from smiles that mock your tears. Run and drown, and make not a sound".
So I run. With all my heart I run, as far away as I can go. A voice calls and beckons me on. "Run!" it cries. "Run and run and run, straight into My arms. Run until My love dries your tears and My peace stills your fears. Run to My smiles that wipe away your tears. Run and drown, in the blood of the Lamb that made not a sound".
As I sob into His arms, I hear Him say, "Dear one, can you not see? It was my grace that made you run."
Startled, I realize. It was all a gift. "Father, that evil, you meant it for good?"
"Everything is good, my dear child, because it's from ME".
The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was never meant for me. Who am I to judge the difference?
I feel like a child, humbled and confused. "God, which one is evil, and which is good?"
"All from My hand, that is what is good" He says with a smile.
So oftentimes I think that beauty is only in the end. I watch the flowers fade and die, thinking that beauty has ended. But in reality, it has just begun.
I watch my walking, tripping and falling and think "Oh for the day, when my walk is soon done. When I can look in His face, and know we have won".
But then I know I wouldn't trade it for a moment. For there is so much beauty in this process, this journey of mine.
I don't have enough. Not enough time or energy or strength or love. But I have Him, and He is enough.
I see Him in the garden, drops of blood running down His face. Crying to His Father, "I don't want to do this!" Knowing what it would mean. Yet in the midst of His cries, He died, "Not my will but Yours be done".
His will is so much better. So in awe I stand, in wonder at His love, overwhelmed by His grace. "His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness"
"I desire nothing besides You.."
My heart lurches, stumbles, and falls. Everything within me cries, "Run!! Run away from this pain, this confusion, this doubt. Run and run and run till the wind dries your tears and the silence stills your fears. Run away from smiles that mock your tears. Run and drown, and make not a sound".
So I run. With all my heart I run, as far away as I can go. A voice calls and beckons me on. "Run!" it cries. "Run and run and run, straight into My arms. Run until My love dries your tears and My peace stills your fears. Run to My smiles that wipe away your tears. Run and drown, in the blood of the Lamb that made not a sound".
As I sob into His arms, I hear Him say, "Dear one, can you not see? It was my grace that made you run."
Startled, I realize. It was all a gift. "Father, that evil, you meant it for good?"
"Everything is good, my dear child, because it's from ME".
The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was never meant for me. Who am I to judge the difference?
I feel like a child, humbled and confused. "God, which one is evil, and which is good?"
"All from My hand, that is what is good" He says with a smile.
So oftentimes I think that beauty is only in the end. I watch the flowers fade and die, thinking that beauty has ended. But in reality, it has just begun.
I watch my walking, tripping and falling and think "Oh for the day, when my walk is soon done. When I can look in His face, and know we have won".
But then I know I wouldn't trade it for a moment. For there is so much beauty in this process, this journey of mine.
I don't have enough. Not enough time or energy or strength or love. But I have Him, and He is enough.
I see Him in the garden, drops of blood running down His face. Crying to His Father, "I don't want to do this!" Knowing what it would mean. Yet in the midst of His cries, He died, "Not my will but Yours be done".
His will is so much better. So in awe I stand, in wonder at His love, overwhelmed by His grace. "His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness"
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