More

I want more. I find my heart crying out, "God is this really it? Is this all you have for me?". The tree of the knowledge of good and evil beckons me on, the legacy of the garden embedded on my soul.

Life is a bleeding, ugly, mess and yet You still call yourself "good"?

 

Here I am.

Doubting His goodness, distrusting His intent, discontented with what He's given.

I cover it up, smile and tell the world of His goodness. Why? I know it to be true. Only my heart cannot agree.

Everywhere I look, I see holes - black voids of sin and despair. Is this the world that You have created?

Or is this the world that I have created.

I hunger for filling, but look in a world that is starved.

But i know better, the answer is not here. Up above I look, where else can I hope?

Oh God, where are you in this pain, in this confusion of my soul?

Even He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.

Vision is found in the valleys.

 

I long to be conformed to the image of His Son, do I know what that means?

He took up His cross, and followed; became a servant, and gave up His life.

Will I take up mine to be found in Him?

Oh why must He ask for everything?!

How else could He give me His all.

Fighting, straining, I pry my hands open. 

"God here I am". 

 

Is He enough?

He is all that I have.

Yet I still want more, more of Him.

What of this mystery? This life I cannot comprehend?

The mystery is this - we are taken and changed.

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.

We shall see Him face to face.

 

Once i was without purpose or reason to live.

A stranger of promise. An enemy of God.

Now I am His own special people.

Called by His grace, covered in His love. 

A chosen generation. A holy priesthood. 

Daring to truly live. 

Here.

Now.