Friday, February 22, 2013


You know me. The girl who reads the Wallstreet Journal and gets excited about ROI (Return on investment). The girl who loves to solves problems and wants to always know and reads like the next page is another wonderful adventure waiting to be found.

Always searching, never finding. Content to give up and let the Lord lead. 

Talks to business consultants and hears them say, "find your passion, where you fit, and once you find it, go after it". 

And then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere - the words of a blog jump off of the page. 
And it feels like they are speaking to me.

"You were made to make more than a living. You were made to make a difference. 
You were made be an Esther, to give your life away for forever things, and anything less will give you grief.
You were made for the place where your real passion meets compassion, because there lies your real purpose."

I smile. It comes as no surprise. For i have known all along.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012


Typing on my old computer, brings back such memories. Slow as molasses, but somehow it doesn't seem to matter between old friends...

I once had a dream when I was younger.. you know, that time when little girls dreamed of growing up to be nurses or housewives - well I had something different in mind.

I wanted, with all my heart, to help people see.

To take a blind person and describe the shine that gleams off the brightest red corvette, or the look of that wonderfully delicious apple pie, steaming as it comes out of the oven.

To dance a waltz with a wheelchair bound prisioner, who thought two wheels could stop him from living.

To bring music back to a broken soul, strings back to fingers like forgotten friends. 

I once thought that only the blind could not see, now I wonder if anyone truly sees.

People like to ask me where my passion for writing comes from...

Ask the little girl, she knows. 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

To Twenty Three

Tomorrow I turn 23. To be honest, I never thought I would make it this far. Between the reckless driving (wink wink) and the overwhelming number of times I had the same sickening thought, "I'm in serious trouble".. well, they all equal a solid "I really shouldn't be here".

Many say fate is what guides us along, that destiny will show us the purpose of life. So we long and look, waiting for that perfect moment, with that perfect person. To find the one passion that defines us and infuses us with life - for that is to find the meaning of life.

The Greeks only asked one question when a person died, "Did he live with passion?" For passion, is what makes life worth living.

I met a man in a coffee shop the other day, dying of cancer. With sadness, he looked back over his life, wondering if it mattered at all. Oh, he had plenty of passion, and had found success. But as he talked about his exploits and all the dignitaries he had met, there was an emptiness deep inside that  he could not explain.

The world has much to say to a twenty-three year old. Now is the time to get married, you know, start on the path to success, and goodness gracious please leave your adolescence behind!

It makes me smile, for Someone has already defined me.

The Greeks were right; without passion, there is no life. But what is passion without a worthy purpose? A dangerous combination.

He who is Life has found me, and infused in me a passion that my heart cannot explain. The hands of fate are my Fathers, and He gently pushes me along the path of righteousness. My destiny is so much higher than the stars, for one day I shall reign in heaven!

I am twenty three. Married to the Lamb who gave His life for me - storing up riches in heaven never seen by the eyes of men. Loving Him is my passion, my purpose to shout the praises of Him who gave me what this world never could.  

La Heim! La Heim! Wherever it leads!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

He is worthy

Our God reigns in the heavens. Orchestrating all events, He "works all things according to the counsel of His will" (Eph 1).

This will - what is it? Men seek, but do not understand. A mystery has been hidden for all time. The prophets search, and speak of wonders their minds cannot fathom. High in the heavens, mighty angels watch curiously, longing to have a look at the Master's plan. The world cries "Who is worthy?" as it slips into decay, groaning with burdens unforseen by men.

Seated on His throne, the God who penned every moment, every life upon a page, was not finished. The author of life had written Himself into this story.

 "I looked, and behold, in the midst stood a Lamb as though it had been slain..."

My tears are swept aside, as the angel chides, "Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root of David has PREVAILED"

A Man sits on a throne, His appearance like fire. Above all principalities and powers He reigns, and the earth rests beneath His feet. 

With a word, He speaks the world into existence; without a word, He looks upon the men He created and bows His head in sacrifice.

By Him and for His pleasure were all things created in heaven and on earth. Yet with a mighty cry, He bore the agony of all time. "My God, My God.. WHY?"

Thunder and lightening rends the sky, the earth shakes in reply.  The hidden mystery which God had ordained before the beginning of time bows his head in victory and cries, "Tetelestai", for it was FINISHED.  

Before His feet every knee bows, and on every tongue is the sound of His name.

With one voice they cry, "You are worthy, for You were slain, and have redeemed us to God by Your blood" (Rev 5)

From every tongue, and tribe, and people and nation, this God has raised up a people unto Himself - and has made them kings and priests to reign on this earth.

Who is worthy? His majesty none can describe; His sovereignty beyond all question. With compassion and kindness, He reached out to save a world running to destruction. While the words "Crucify Him" were still on their lips, they watched the Author of life die - and by His death, give them life.

Once we walked in darkness, and looked in hatred at the light. Now, we are a "chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people.. so that we may proclaim His praises" (1 Peter 2). 

He alone is worthy.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Hello Adulthood

Well hello adulthood. I must admit; you were not what I expected. The little girl that dreamed about what it would be like to 'grow up' has had quite the surprise. Oh I saw the responsibility, the independence, the 'living life on your own'.

But I failed to foresee my knees on the floor, my face bowed low. My King had an entirely different plan. He shattered all my expectations, my desires, my plans. In a still small voice, He continually whispers, "Lift up your head, my dear, and look over here."

"Where? Lord I cannot see!" my soul cries in despair.

I imagine His smile as He replies, "Your eyes on the temporal, your faith in this world, will never see all that I AM."

Life through the eyes of faith is the only way to see the eternal.

My eyes dart around, I take my gaze off of Him. The world spins. I find myself falling, faster and faster, and I cannot find my way.

Of course! I laugh when I finally remember; this life is not for me.

Hosea listens, the Lord speaks, "marry a prostitute and love her". Did he weep? The Bible does not say... "So I obeyed" (Hosea 1).

Hosea understood - this life is not about me. My fulfillment is not in accomplishments, my purpose is not in happiness. No, only a vessel, to be used by Him. It's all about the glory.

Jesus understood. "I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do.." (John 17).

Will I understand?

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of this world will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace"

I life my eyes unto the mountains, for my help comes from the Lord.

Hello adulthood. Have you met my GOD?


Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I stared into the face of a coward tonight. Her eyes met mine; unflinching, no hint of shame. Only a tinge of sadness marked her face, a kind of resignation to her fate.

I threw my accusations against her, my voice rising in disgust. How could she bear to live that way?

Old eyes. I could feel myself falling, lost in its depths, desperately looking for a way out.

"Bravery", they said, "A wish we cannot find; a wind that touches, caresses, and then is gone, and the place remembers it no more".

"Try harder!" I cried.
"It is no use", they said. "What more can we do?"

Desperation flooded my soul, my voice too shaken to utter a sound.

Defeated eyes rose to meet mine, compassion turned to look my way. 

I stared into the face of a coward tonight, and the mirror stared right back at me. 

Friday, July 27, 2012

Lessons on forgiveness from a 5 yr old

First, let me introduce you to Lee Margaret. She is the sweetest, cutest, 5-yr-old I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She loves to laugh, run, and always has a smile on her face!

One night during devotions, she told us the story of Jesus on the cross. "Jesus came to save people from their sins. But bad men hurt him, oh yes, they hit him with sticks and were very mean. But He still loved them and died on the cross for them. He didn't stay dead though, because angels came and now He is alive in heaven!"

We were all left in tears. "That's right, Lee Margaret", one of the counselors said, and in our hearts resounded one amen.

The Story of Forgiveness

It was the night of Council Ring, where all the girls gather in their tribes around the fire, eager for the new "pale-face" campers to be initiated into a tribe.

I was also to be inititated as part of Central Staff, an extremely gross but fun experience. They blindfolded me and drenched me in maple syrup, baby powder, mayo, birdseed - and much more!

Once they took off my blindfold, I was eager to get someone messy. So i chased one of the other Central Staff around the fire and jumped on her to hug her! In the chaos, she fell right into one of the tribes, right on top of Lee Margaret.

Imagine. Tons of girls screaming, excitement, and all of a sudden, everyone is falling on top of you. In her fear, and pain from hitting her head on the bench, she started crying immediately. Her mom rushed in, scooped her up, and started carrying her back to camp.

I felt awful. I ran to catch up with her, eager to apologize and make things right. Those little eyes met mine, and a big smile came upon her face. "I forgive you. It's ok Ewen, I love you." Full and complete forgiveness from a pair of innocent brown eyes.

She opened her arms to give me a hug. "But Lee Margaret", I said, "I am really messy and dirty. You don't want to hug me now."

"I don't care", she said, and gave me the biggest hug ever. "Lee Margaret", I said with tears welling up in my eyes, "I have a secret for you. I'm going to let you sleep with my stuffed animal, Ella the Elephant, tonight!"

She squealed with utter delight. And with another hug, we walked hand in hand, back to camp, best of friends.

I could tell you theoretically what forgiveness looks like. I can give you all the Bible verses pertaining to forgiveness. But Lee Margaret gave me so much more - she lived it.

She has never once brought up that day again. I'm convinced it's because she has completely forgotten about it. True forgiveness does that.